Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
