i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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