As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
