You just made me feel so damn special
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
