Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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