Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
