We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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