Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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