i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
