oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
