I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
