If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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