I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
