i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
