Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
