I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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