im six kinds of drunk right now
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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