I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
