i need an iv and a liver transplant
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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