im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
