literally had 100 drinks last night.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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