The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
