I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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