I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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