Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
