i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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