You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
