You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
