I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
