Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
