WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize