The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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