when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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