I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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