Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
