If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
