she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
