After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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