she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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