I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
