It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
