remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i dont even know how to be here
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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