3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
