My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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