found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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