We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize