So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
