I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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