so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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