Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
