oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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