I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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