mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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