i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
