I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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