But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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