I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
