I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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