I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
