so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Say something about gay babies.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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