I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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