i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
