Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
