i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
worst night to have a conscience
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
