God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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