we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize