My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
