I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
