I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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