nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize