...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize