I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
