Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it's not cheating when I paid for it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
