someone owes me an orgasm
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
