i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
