Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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