I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
