next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize