you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
