forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
