YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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