Dual....:-)
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
