oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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