i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
