I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
