Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
