OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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