Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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