I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fuck appropriateness.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
