I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just forgot I was standing up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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