I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
