I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
