The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
