i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
