Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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