i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
