She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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