The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
