dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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