We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
