My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
