I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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