he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
