wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
